A joke my mom heard a priest tell in church today: An elderly couple to decide to live a little and go to McDonald's... When they order the food, the old man divides the fries in half and splits the burger in two. Some students see this and offer to buy some more food so that they can both eat a whole sandwich. ""No, no, that's fine,"" says the old man, ""We share everything."" So the old man starts eating his half-burger and his half-order of fries-- but his wife is sitting there, not eating he…

A kid asks his grandmother "How come ive never seen you and grandpa fight?..." / - ... I see mom and dad fight from time to time, but ive never seen you and grandaddy fight... why is that? / - Well, says the grandma, we got married in the old church in the middle of town, after the marriage ceremony, we hopped on our horse carriage, it was a long time ago when horse carriages where still a thing, and cars where just starting to come around... And we went our way to our farm, that was a bit aw…

Be Fruitful and Multiply A dead-beat Dad died and went to Heaven. He was greeted at the Golden Gate by St. Peter, who warmly shook his hand and asked him to sit down next to him. Looking over the dead-beat Dad's file, St. Peter frowned and shook his head sadly. ''Your record looks fine, except for one glaring item. Why the hell didn't you pay child support for your six kids?'' The man jumped up. ''Child support?! All God said in Genesis was 'Be fruitful and multiply.' He didn't say nothin' about…

Young Billy discovers the power of prayers One day Billy's teacher yells at him for not doing his homework. He feels upset and when in bed he prays' Dear God, please kill my teacher"" When he goes to the school, he learns that his teacher passed away. He comes back home amazed by the power of his new forms of communication. Second day, his grandma eats the last piece of cake he was hoping to eat. He feels upset and later that night when in bed he prays ' Dear God, please kill my grandma' In the …