I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend. Until the LSD wears off and I'm just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park.

Yet again my date made me get out of his car before we'd even had dinner. Uber is the worst dating app ever.

have u ever just taken your goth girlfriend out on a date but it gets dark out and you lose her in the parking lot

Catch a baby opossum, give it a 12-hr sedative, and hide it in the glove compartment of the car of the person who's dating your ex.