Why was the Newfie excited when he heard Quebec might leave Canada? It wouldn't take him as long to drive to Toronto

[Alien monster is levelling Toronto] CANADAMAN: Excuse me, sir, SIR, could you stop please? SIR?

I'm convinced that this trip to Toronto will end with my being arrested for not being nice enough.

The funniest thing about being sober is someday finding out that you were the mayor of Toronto.