Friends don't let friends drive drunk but I don't want them staying at my house And that's why Uber was created

When I'm at a friend's house & there are snacks, all I'm thinking is "How do I eat everything without looking like a homeless person?"

So a duck walks into a chicken house And says ""wtf r u doing here chicken"" then the chicken fires back with ""no wtf r U doing here duck"", woah settle down chicken ""time to get ruff"" says the duck. ""No time for crime"" says the chicken. And they battle to the death as chicken on goers watch this brutal fight between the duck lord chicken bitch.

One man is helping another man move to a new house... Joe is moving to a new house, and he gets his friend Walter to help load some heavy furniture on and off the truck. While Joe is driving the truck, Walter reads a magazine. Walter sees an interesting factoid, and decides to share it with Joe. ""Hey Joe, did you know that 90% of all auto accidents happen within a mile of your house?"" And Joe says ""huh... Well, guess it's a good thing I'm moving then.""