George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do.

George Carlin appeared to me in a dream and asked me ""How can there be such a thing as a one-way street when you can obviously cross a street either way?""

Men are four times more likely than women to commit suicide, even though women attempt it more. So men are better at it! \- George Carlin

I wrote a joke for a stand-up routine that I'll never get to do. Being a comedian is tough. Even when you write your own material, everyone accuses you of stealing from other comedians. Jokes about airline food? Observational comedy? "You got that from George Carlin!" One liners? "You can't do that, Mitch Hedberg does that!" You tell a joke that sucks? "You definitely stole that from Dane Cook!"