Police Officer: You know, this is a one way street? Me: I was only going one way...

George Carlin: Dead. Leslie Nielsen: Dead. Mitch Hedberg: Dead. Greg Giraldo: Dead. Dane Cook: A-Okay. God has some explaining to do.

I wonder if Scarlett Johansson ever fantasizes about fat comic book nerds, or is that just a one-way street?

At the end of a one-way street is a lever that, when flipped, will end the world... A mailman drives there to deliver a package. He looks down at his watch for a second. When he looks up, there is a boy in the road. If the mailman were to swerve to avoid the boy, he would hit the lever and end the world. After frantic seconds of decision, he hits and kills the boy. Moral of the story? Better Nate than lever.