3 Men go to heaven... God: What would you like everyone to say at your funeral Billy? Billy: That ""I was a great father and caring husband of a beautiful wife."" God: ok, what about you George? George: That ""I was a great doctor and have saved many lives."" God: Alright, what about you Timmy? Timmy: I want them to say: ""Hey look! He's MOVING!""

The wife enters the husband's office... The wife enters the husband's office with her mother by her side and says: ""George, is it true that your partner just died?"" ""Yes, it is, honey. Why do you ask?"" ""I was wondering, could you please put mom in his place?"" He replies: ""Well, you'll just need to talk to the gravedigger, I'm fine with it.""

So a man dies, goes to Heaven, and sees St. Peter. There are many clocks surrounding him so the man asks, ""What are these clocks for?"" St. Peter replies, ""These are lie clocks, they tick once for every lie you tell. Here we have Mother Teresa's clock. She has never lied so the clock has not moved. Honest Abe has only lied twice in his life, so it has only ticked twice."" The man then asks, ""So where is George Bush's clock?"" St. Peter replies, ""Oh, that is in Jesus' office, he is using it a…

""What is the fastest thing you know?"" the interviewer asked to 4 candidates. Dave, the American, replied,""A THOUGHT"". It just pops into your head. There's no warning that it's on the way; it's just there. A thought is the fastest thing I know of."" ""That's very good!"" replied the interviewer. ""And now you sir?"" he asked Vladimir , the Russian. ""Hmm... let me see. A blink! It comes and goes and you don't know that it ever happened. A BLINK is the fastest thing I know. ""Excellent!"" said…