I can finish The Times' crossword in under five minutes but I struggle to eat the whole paper

The British have such a command of decorum and aplomb to which we can only aspire. His Lordship was in the study when the butler approached and coughed discreetly. ""May I ask you a question, My Lord?"" ""Go ahead, Carson ,"" said His Lordship. ""I am doing the crossword in The Times and found a word the exact meaning of which I am not too certain."" ""What word is that?"" asked His Lordship. ""Aplomb,"" My Lord. ""Now that's a difficult one to explain. I would say it is self-assurance or comple…

An excerpt from ""So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish"" (Adams Chp20). A brief story about biscuits. ""I was about twenty minutes early. I'd got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is equally possible,"" he added after a moment's reflection, ""that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn't occurred to me before."" ""Get on with it."" Fenchurch laughed. ""So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went to the buffet to get a cup of coffee."" ""You do the crossword?"" …

The Biscuit Thief ""This actually did happen to a real person, and the real person is me. I had gone to catch a train, This was April 1976, in Cambridge, U.K. I was about twenty minutes early. I'd got the time of the train wrong. I suppose it is at least equally possible,"" he added after a moment's reflection, ""that British Rail had got the time of the train wrong. Hadn't occurred to me before."" ""Get on with it."" Fenchurch laughed. ""So I bought a newspaper, to do the crossword, and went t…