Liz from HR just called me in. I guess my thigh gap is distracting everyone, like that's my fault

My mate John knows everyone in the world Just cross-posting this from over on /r/AskReddit My mate John claims to know everyone in the world. Last week, we were in the pub, and he was bragging about it. ""Not everyone, though, John!"" I said. He said ""Wait a minute"", pulled out his phone, and made a call. Next thing you know, we're in a taxi on the way to Buckingham Palace. We pull up outside, the guard waves us through, saying ""Hi John!"", and we stop at the front door. Prince Phillip answer…

Reddit, may a I please have a Elizabeth Taylor / Michael Jackson joke? I don't know how, but it must happen! Edit: I actually want a joke that includes Liz *and* the Pop King. My use of ' / ' may have been misleading. Thank you.

A joke my grandma told me at our last family reunion. Liz and Mary are working hard at their desks. Liz stands up and invites Mary to go outside for a cigarette. They go outside only to find it's pouring rain so badly it would be impossible to smoke. However, Mary pulls a condom out of her purse and puts it around her cigarette and proceeds to smoke. Liz, completely astonished, thought it was the most fantastic idea ever. So, after work, she goes to a pharmacy and asks for some condoms. The cler…