baby moses: [crying] mum: "why wont he stop" dad: "throw him in the river lol" mum: "okay" this is from a book called the bible

Apparently the rebooted bible will feature a female Jesus, and Moses will be a raccoon

u guys like coachella? u know who else was in a desert with people who didn't shower? Moses. hi i'm your new youth pastor Keith

A preacher's teenage son gets his driving permit... ... and asks his father to borrow the car. His father says, ""You can if you first bring up your grades, study your Bible and finally get your hair cut. A couple months goes by and the son again asks his father if he can borrow the car. His father says, ""Well, son, you brought your grades up, you've been studying your Bible, but you haven't cut your hair yet."" His son says, ""Yeah, I've been thinking about that and you know Moses had long hai…