*Sees dead cat on the road. Walk it off buddy, you got 8 more.

my idiot dog just ate a box of condom. i was gonna eat those buddy

Are you eating Jell-O? Cow: "Yeah." You know what gelatin is made from, right? Cow: "No, what?" Uh. Rainbows. Enjoy, buddy.

ME: Hey buddy, your dog left a little 'present' on my lawn GUY: Huh? ME: *points to tiny, nicely wrapped gift* Thank him for me, willya?