I always keep a google search for "how to find anyone, anywhere, and kill them" open on my phone in case anyone steals it.

I call McDonald's to make a reservation for Valentine's Day, just to listen to the stammering and confusion from the kid answering the phone

For Halloween I'm just gonna talk shit to complete strangers and go as the internet.

I would have got the Google Glass but I don't have $1500 or any desire to strap the internet to my face.