Professor: "Did you just show up drunk to my exam?" No way "Hungover then?" Nope "There's a lime wedge on your face"

A bartender is closing down his bar A bartender is closing down his bar at the end of the evening. Three men remain hunched over at the bar. Each has been there the whole night and has been drinking heavily, but none of them seem to have the strength or desire to strike up a conversation. As the bartender cleans the last few glasses before he kicks the three men out, he decides it’s worth a shot to try to cheer these poor guys up. He goes up to them and asks what’s got them down. As it turns …

Garbage can An old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the old man decided it was time to take some action. The next afternoon,…

A little girl was walking home from school when a man on a motorcycle pulled up beside her. Man: Hey little girl, want to ride on the back of my motorcycle? Girl: No. Man: Come on sweetie, I'll give you five dollars if you ride with me. Girl: Get away from me or I'll call the cops. Man: How about twenty dollars, just get on the back with me. Girl: (Starts running) No way! Man: Okay, final offer, twenty dollars and a bag of candy. Girl: Look, Dad, you had to buy a Honda instead of a Harl…