I can't stand fake people. Unless you're with me and we are faking that we are sober for a cop. Then you need to be Oscar winning fake.

cop: "sir im afraid your dog is too cool for this neighbourhood" me: [turns his little baseball cap round right way] cop: "ok that's better"

Patience can go a long way... A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, ""Yes Officer?"" ""What are you doing?"" the policeman asked. ""What does it l…

What do you call a Lada at the top of a hill? A miracle. ------------------------------------- A man drives his Lada to a mechanic and asks, ""Can I have a spare hubcap for my Lada?"" The mechanic says, ""Sounds like a fair trade."" ------------------------------------- A Russian man enters a car raffle. Dropping the ticket in, he asks the attendee what the prize is. ""First place is a Lada,"" he says. ""And what's second place?"" asks the man. ""Two Ladas,"" the attendee replies. --------------…