Hurricane Sandy I asked my bartender for a Hurricane Sandy. She looked confused and asked, ""What is that?"" I replied, ""A watered down Manhattan.""

Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.

Wife [walking into house]: Ummm.. Me: [recreating "You Better Shape Up Scene" from Grease with my dog dressed as Sandy]: You're home early.

right now mitt romney is trying to put an entire loaf of bread in his mouth