A close call. A man sits down in his chair then rips a huge fart. His wife says ""one of these days you're going to shit your guts out"". It becomes a habit that every time he passes gas she says ""one day you will shit you're guts out"" One day on Thanksgiving morning she decides she's had enough. She takes all the guts from the Turkey and sneeks them under the covers while her husband sleeps,then goes back to the kitchen to wait. After an hour or so she hears her husband scream then silence. H…

We went shopping for a turkey to cook for Thanksgiving. We're expecting 20 people at our house and my husband wanted to find the perfect turkey for the smoker. After picking through the stock at the grocery store he can't find one he wants. He says, ""Don't these get any bigger?"" I replied. ""No, honey. They're already dead.""

Jokes of the day!! 1. A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, ""If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment."" The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the ma…

After Thanksgiving a woman continually finds her husband rummaging through the fridge... ... ravenously devouring leftovers from their Thanksgiving feast. It gets to the point where she begins to get worried and asks, ""Honey can you stop eating like that? You aren't even heating your food!"" To which the husband replies, ""Everyone knows it is futile to try and quit cold turkey!""