If I don't wake up with Britney Spears' body circa "I'm a Slave 4 U" and a rich handsome boyfriend then I KNOW Santa's not real.

Students, unfollow me now. Tonight's drunk subtweets might sting a little. Especially you Britney. Your lab report was a pile of dog shit.

McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear's "I'm a slave for you" before ordering.

Britney is stranded on an island Britney is starving Britney forms tool out of rocks and sticks Britney sees a fish Britney Spears