So it's legal to sleep on a pillow but illegal to hold it over someone's face until they die? Ugh, government

{Bear walks up to me} ME: Plays dead BEAR: Get up, I just want to talk. Who are you voting for in the election ME: Ugh, a poller bear

Congress just passed a bill that makes it legal to murder those friends who respond to a text by calling you.

[oval office] SECRETARY: (shrieks) there's a dead rat on my desk! PRESIDENT WHO IS A CAT: wow someone must really like you *winks*