Wife: Who is it? Me [hand over phone]: The police, they say it's now illegal to fake throw a ball Dog in other room: [hangs up his phone]

My own social media I haven't got a computer, but I was told about Facebook and Twitter and am trying to make friends outside Facebook and Twitter while applying the same principles. Every day, I walk down the street and tell passers by what I have eaten, how I feel, what I have done the night before and what I will do fort he rest of the day. I give them pictures of my wife, my daughter, my dog and me gardening and on holiday, spending time by the pool. I also listen to their conversations, tel…

Hit a pig with my car I was driving home from my buddies place which is out in the middle of nowhere. I've done this drive a dozen times so I wasn't paying much attention to the road, giving glances to my phone. Saw the street light ahead about a mile or so down the road when BOOM, I hit something. I stopped my car and looked down the road to see a pig laying on its side. I checked my car and didn't see any real damage. I looked around and saw no street or farm signs or anything of the like. Th…

*phone rings* Wife - "Quick! Pretend I'm not in!" Me - *puts lipstick on the dog and watches Sleepless in Seattle* Wife - "....""