I introduced my ex girlfriend to a buddy who has epilepsy She was always saying she loved vibrators.

Blind man enters bar. He sits at the counter, and orders a drink. After loafing for a while, he says to the bartender: ""Hey, want to hear a blonde joke?"" The atmosphere suddenly becomes tense, and silence falls around him. Suddenly, a deep feminine voice towers over to him: ""I bench press 800 pounds at the gym every day. My girlfriend here has a black belt in judo, karate, and sumo. The bartender here isn't too slow himself, and he's trying to serve up four full tables. And you know what, bud…

A buddy of mine was watching American Chopper... So he turns to his old lady and says ""I need to get me another hog one of these days"". She retorts, ""like hell you're getting a goddam motorcycle"". He fires back ""who said anything about a motorcycle? I'm gonna go get me a new fatass girlfriend"".

Dad, about your will... A man was telling his buddy, ""You won't believe what happened last night. My daughter walked into the living room and said, Dad, cancel my allowance immediately, forget my college tuition loan, rent my room out, throw all my clothes out the window, take my TV and my laptop. Please take all of my jewelry to the Salvation Army or Goodwill. Then, sell my car, take my front door key away from me and throw me out of the house. Then, disown me and never talk to me again. And d…