*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's... right here?

Brian Sullivan, top bloke A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, ""Perfect timing. You're just like Brian"" Passenger: ""Who?"" Cabbie: ""Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time."" Passenger: ""There are always a few clouds over everybody."" Cabbie: ""Not Brian Sullivan.. He was a terrific athlete. H…

You're just like Brian... A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You're just like Brian" Passenger: "Who?" Cabbie: "Brian Sullivan. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happen like that to Brian Sullivan, every single time." Passenger: "There are always a few clouds over everybody." Cabbie: "Not Brian Sullivan.. He was a terrific athlete. He could …

Brian's Eggs Brian came home from the pub late one Friday evening stinking drunk, as he often did, and crept into bed beside his wife who was already asleep. He gave her a peck on the cheek and fell fast asleep. When Brian awoke a few hours later he found a strange man was standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe. "Who the hell are you?" demanded Brian, "and what are you doing in my bedroom?" The mysterious Man answered, "This isn't your bedroom, and I'm St Peter". B…