An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman... An Englishman, Irishman and Scotsman were sitting in a bar in Sydney, Australia. "The view is fantastic, the beer excellent and the food exceptional," said the Scotsman, "but I still prefer the pubs back home. Why in Glasgow, there's a little bar called McTavish's. The landlord there goes out of his way for the locals so much that when you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth drink for you." "Well," said the Englishman, "at my local, the Red Lion, the b…

I'll usually order the chicken sandwich. I like my food to be more cowardly than I am.

told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco

"I'm a vegetarian but I eat fish." - People who don't get how definitions work.