Bob was a carpet installer and one day he installed this beautiful wall to wall carpet for Mrs. Smith. He spent all day and did a great job. As he finished he was thinking "I'm ready for a cigarette now!". They weren't in his shirt pocket, and they weren't in his vest pocket. They weren't in his pants. As Bob was going through all his pockets thinking "crap - where the hell are they??" he looked down and notice a lump under the carpet - a single pack-sized lump in the sea of smooth white. "oh shit" he thought, and - checking left and right to make sure Mrs Smith wasn't looking, took out his large flat-head hammer, and smacked that lump down flat. So, relieved the evidence was gone and he wasn't caught, Bob went out to his truck to put his tools away - and there on the dashboard were his cigarettes! While he was pondering this mystery, Mrs. Smith came out and asked in a concerned voice, "have you seen Crackers, our parakeet? He gets out sometimes..."