What do you do all day? A man came home from work and found his 5 children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn around garden, The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and no sign of the dog, Walking in the door, he found ...an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, the throw rug was against one wall, In the front room the TV was on loudly with the cartoon channel, the family room was strewn with…

Homeless Man I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,"If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?" "No, I had to stop drinking years ago," the homeless man replied. "Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?" I asked. "No, I don't waste time fishing," the homeless man said.."I need…

GIVE THIS MAID A BELLS... A maid wanted a salary raise. Madam wanted 3 reasons why she wanted a raise. Maid: I can cook Better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Madam: OK, second reason? Maid: I can iron better than you. Madam: Who told you that? Maid: Your husband told me. Madam: OK, and the third reason? Maid: I'm also better in bed than you. "This time Madam was furious" Madam: Did my husband say that? Maid: No the garden boy told me I'm better in bed than you a…

Old man's wife has hearing problems An old man goes to his doctor. Old man: Hey Doc, my wife's hearing is becoming terrible, is there anything you can give me to help her out? Doc: Well, how bad is it? Old Man: We rarely talk any more, Doc, and I love her more than anything. Doc: Try the distance test. When you get home, Call her name and if she doesn't hear you, get closer and closer until she does. This will give me a good sense of how bad her hearing actually is. Old Man: Okay…