Clocks in Heaven A woman passes away and finds herself at the Pearly Gates, with an angel showing her around. One thing she immediately notices is that there are a LOT of clocks in Heaven. Billions. She asks the angel who explains. ""Everyone, past or present, gets a clock when they are born. Each time you tell a lie, the second hand moves once."" She is amazed at this and goes looking. She finds Mother Theresa's clock and notices it's moved three times. George Washington's clock hasn't moved at…

An old man has been waiting in line to get into heaven for so long, that when the time came for his name to be looked up in the big book, he couldn't remember it St. Peter was a bit frazzled and could not figure out what to do. So he calls Jesus over to help him out. Jesus begins to ask the man some questions in order to jog his memory in hopes to find his name. Jesus: ""did you have any children?"" Man: ""just one...a wonderful boy."" Jesus: ""hmm, alright let's press on. What was your occupati…

So these three blondes die trying to jump the Grand Canyon... Fortunately for them, they were all Christians, so they went straight up to Heaven and met Saint Peter at the gate. He put down his newspaper and greeted the women with a smile. ""Alright ladies, I have no problem letting you into Heaven, but you need to answer me one simple question- what is Easter?"" ""Oh that's easy!"" The first blonde steps forward ""It's that holiday when the Pilgrims came to America and we celebrate all of our b…

A Man Dies A man dies and goes to heaven, and as he passes the gates a wall of clocks emerge. St. Peter appears, ""Welcome to heaven!"" he exclaims, the man still confused by the clocks asks, ""What are all these clocks doing in heaven?"" St. Peter explains, ""These are lie clocks. Everyone on earth has a lie clock. Every time a person lies, the clock hands move one notch."" The man intrigued, points and asks, ""Whose clock is that?"" St. Peter replies, ""That is Mother Teresa's clock, it has no…