[mildly nsfw] Two infant twins Tim And Tom keep fighting for their mother's milk.... Two twins, Tim and Tom, keep fighting over their mother and whom she loves more. The mom usually nursed Tim on the left breast and Tom on the right one. One night, Tim applies poison to the left one and Tom applies poison to the right one. The next morning the mother wakes up to find... That the father is dead.....

This bloke said to me, ""Tim, as a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?"" I said, ""Let me make one thing absolutely clear. My mother was never a young boy.""

Smartest human competition Once upon a time a major TV outlet hosted greatly revered competition to determine the smartest, wisest, brightest specimen of Homo Sapiens once and for all. The popularity and feedback was unprecedented. Millions applied. After months of long and detailed tests ranging from simple IQ tests to timed QED calculations a surprising result emerged. There was two unexpected standing challengers: An Irish priest and an Australian farmer. Grand jury began final round televise…

Timbuktu Once in a quizshow. There were an Australian and a priest competing against each other. Their scores were equal, so they had to create a verse about ""Timbuktu"". The priest began: ""I was a father, all my life, had no children, had no wife. I read the Bible, through and through. On my way to Timbuktu."" Then the Australian told his version: ""When Tim and I to Brisbane went, we met three ladies cheap to rent. They were three and we were two, so I booked one and Tim booked two!""