A guy walks into a doctor's office... ...with corn in his ears, a carrot shoved up his nose and a potato in his butt. Doctor says, ""Buddy, you're not eating right...""

Guy bursts into a dentist's office and says ""HEY, listen here buddy, you have to help me NOW: my teeth are SO sensitive they can sense impending EARTHQUAKES"" the dentist looked at him sternly for a moment and said ""you've got some nerve""

The scariest thing about being a doctor is if you ever, even once, accidentally call it a "cooter" you're fired for life.

I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.