I waited for so long at the doctor's office that by the time they called me it was time for my follow-up appointment.

[Doctor's Office] Sir, it appears you have takes-everything-literally disease. "Is it bad, doc?" Yes, but bear in mind- AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Dogs are great for meeting girls. Pack of dogs attack a girl she's gonna need to go to a hospital. Who's gonna drive her? That's right. You.

[vet office] Hi I am here to drop my cat off. Just a check-up. *doctor walks out* "Hi, I am Dr. Curiosity we- I'll take my cat elsewhere