A Polish man rushes into a lawyer's office... Polish man moved to the United States and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well — until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: Lawyer: “Have you any grounds?” Man: “Yes, an acre and a half and a nice little home.” Lawyer: “No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?” Man: “It’s made of concrete.” Lawyer: “I don’t think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?” Man: “No, we have a carport.” Lawyer: “I mean, what are your relations like?” Man: “All my relations are still in Poland.” Lawyer: “Is there any infidelity in your marriage?” Man: “We have a high-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.” Lawyer: “Does your wife beat you up?” Man: “No, I always wake up before her.” Lawyer: “Sir, exactly why do you want this divorce?” Man: “She’s going to kill me.” Lawyer: “What makes you think that?” Man: “I have proof.” Lawyer: “What kind of proof?” Man: “She is going to poison me. She bought a bottle and put it on the shelf in the bathroom. I can read it and it says … Polish remover."