[Obamacare Meeting] *Biden raises hand* *Obama sighs* Yes Joe? Will the doctor still have lollipops? Sure. *Entire Congress sighs w/ relief*

NOBODY TELLS ME WHAT TO DO! Except my government, boss, his wife, my girlfriend, my parents, my doctor, friends, neighbours, their dogs...

So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long) So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would go out into the world and make something of himself, just like the humans do. So the wasp enrolls in school, and passes with flying colors. Remember…

Presidential Race No one voted in the presidential election because everyone was so upset with the shit show. While trying to figure out what to do, Obama suggests an actual presidential race around the white house. They let bernie sanders run but since he's old he takes 24 mins. Trump goes and gets a time of 14:36. Hillary is all fired up and ready to beat trump. She is hopping over shrubbery and stepping on flowers. She finishes just under 10 mins. After she finishes, she proclaims, ""wow that…