"Mom! I'm going out!" - You're not leaving this house until you change that miniskirt - Why not? - Because I can see your balls, Richard.

A man calls his brother while on vacation... Richard was on vacation, and his brother, John, is watching his cat for him. Richard called John and asked how everything was going. John answered, ""your cat's dead."" Richard freaked out and said, ""you don't just tell someone their cat died like that! You let them down easy!"" ""okay, how should I have said it?"" ""first you say the cat got out, then the next day the cat is on the roof, then the next day he fell, he's at the vet, then the next day,…

Kid: why is my cousin named Diamond? Mother: because your auntie really loves diamonds Kid: well what about my name? Mother: never mind about that Richard.

A boy asks him mom about his name Son: ""Mom, why is my sister called Diamond?"" Mom: ""That's easy, I named her after one of the two things I love the most in life."" Son: ""What about my name?"" Mom: ""That's enough questions for one day, Richard!""