Tom went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. ""You'll get your chance in court."" said the Desk Sergeant. ""No, no no!"" said Tom. ""I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!""

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. ""You'll get your chance in court."" said the Desk Sergeant. ""No no no!"" said the man. ""I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!""

An old couple go shopping... ... At the grocery store. The wife continuously nags the husband about the cost of all the things he wants to buy and he grumbles back at her. When they get to the canned fruit aisle she looks at a can of peaches and exclaims ""that's ridiculous!"" at the price. Looking both ways, she slips it into her purse. After they leave the store a police officer stops them, informing her she was seen stealing the peaches on video. When she gets to court to answer for her crime…

No Mexicans please A U.S. Navy cruiser pulled into port in Mississippi for a week's liberty. The first evening, the Captain was more than a little surprised to receive the following letter from the wife of a wealthy plantation owner: ""Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter Melinda's, coming of age party. I would like you to send four well mannered, handsome, unmarried officers. They should arrive at 8 p.m. prepared for an evening of polite southern conversation and dance with lovely young l…