told my girl I was going to a wine tasting, now she's coming and I was just gonna eat a dead bird and some expired cat food behind a Costco

Judging by this line at Costco it doesn't look like I'll ever see my family again. Sweet.

I always pretend I've never had the samples at Costco. "What's this? Bagel Bites? Combining bagel & pizza into one?? Now this I GOTTA TRY!"

I asked the manager if I could sample the sausage and that's when I was asked to leave Costco. THE SAUSAGE Not YOUR sausage