Jokes of the day!! 1. A man goes to a pet shop and buys a talking parrot. He takes the parrot home and tries to teach the parrot how to say a few things, but instead, the parrot just swears at him. After a few hours of trying to teach the bird, the man finally says, ""If you don't stop swearing, I'm going to put you in the freezer as punishment."" The parrot continues, so finally the man puts the bird in the freezer. About an hour later, the parrot asks the man to please open the door. As the ma…

A blonde went to the doctor and said: "Doctor, I accidentally spilt a bottle of shampoo down the plughole and ended up swallowing a little. Will I die?" The doctor smiled: "Well, everyone is going to die eventually." "Oh my God!" shrieked the blonde. "Everyone? What have I done?" A blonde was asked if she wanted molasses in a restaurant. She declined, saying that she wouldn't eat any part of a mole.

Skip a Day During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, ""You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."" When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. ""Great job, did you follow my instructions?"" The man nods ""I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."" ""From h…

So a man is dying... A man is dying, the doctors tell him. But the cure for his rare disease is strange... ""The only way you'll live is if you start to eat things through your ass."" The doctor said. ""You're serious? That's gonna make me live? How embarrassing..."" The man says. ""Would you rather shove food up your butt, or die?"" The doctor asks. After thinking about it, the man takes the doctors advice. The doctor tells the man to begin the procedure at his next meal, and to come see him ag…