Skip a Day During an annual physical, a doctor tells his overweight patient, ""You need to lose some weight, so try this diet. I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks. The next time I see you, I expect you will have lost five to ten pounds."" When the man returns, he's lost over 20 pounds. The doctor says. ""Great job, did you follow my instructions?"" The man nods ""I did, but I thought was going to drop dead every third day."" ""From h…

A woman takes her dead parrot into a vet's office... And lays it upon the examination table. The vet takes one look at the deceased bird and says, 'Sorry Ma'am, but your parrot is dead.' The woman isn't satisfied, and asks for a second opinion. The vet obliges and pokes his head into the next room and calls in a second doctor. A cat saunters in, jumps up onto the table, looks up to the vet with sorrow in his eyes and says, 'Meow.' 'Sorry,' the vet says, 'my colleague says your parrot is dead. Th…

The Balloon Boy A balloon boy was walking to school one day when he found a safety pin. He picked it up and went to class. During class he was playing about with it when he accidentally flicked it at his friend, who immediately started to deflate. He freaked out and ran out of the room, bumping into the door on the way out and puncturing it - so the school started to deflate too. He was really freaked now and ran straight into the school principal with the same result. He ran from the school all…

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks.... First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer won't be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a sp…