True story at a funeral. This is a story rather than a joke, but there's a funny part. This probably belongs in r/funny but I'm posting it here because in my reddit experience, those folks have a very narrow sense of humor (Leno/Foxworthy type stuff) - and I wanted to give a bit of a laugh to people. I also apologize to more sensitive readers because this is a story relating to my father's death. I'm not looking to bum anyone out, just pass on a funny that happened during a really bad time, that…

Dad, is Santa real? There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish or Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) religions, this reduces the workload for Christmas night to 15% of the total, or 378 million (according to the population reference bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, that comes to 108 million homes, presuming there is at least one good child in each. Santa has a…

Cemetery help. My wife & I recently bought a house. To get pretty much anywhere, the main road from our neighborhood goes through a giant cemetery. Now, a week before we bought the house, - on Thanksgiving morning - my wife gave birth to our first child - a boy (side note, I wouldn't recommend having a baby & buying a house in the same week if you value your sanity). Every time we're in the car together and drive through the cemetery, I now feel the awesome responsibility of fatherhood a…

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father: - Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there? The father, surprised, answers: - Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a women's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions. - Onions? - said the boy - Yes, see them and they make you cry, - the father replied. This infuriated the wife and daughter s…