Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar. [copypasta from digitaldreamdoor] ""As good as this is,"" said the Scotsman, ""I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth. ""Well, Angus,"" said the Englishman, ""at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."" ""Ahhh, dat's nothin',"" said the Iri…

Three expatriates are drinking in a NY City bar . ""As good as this is,"" said the Scotsman, ""I still prefer the pubs back home. In Glasgow, there's a wee place called McTavish's. The landlord goes out of his way for the locals. When you buy four drinks, he'll buy the fifth. ""Well, Angus,"" said the Englishman, ""at my local pub in London, the Red Lion, the barman will buy you your third drink after you buy the first two."" ""Ahhh, dat's nothin',"" said the Irishman, ""back home in my favorit…

A young nurse is hired at a Glasgow hospital. Towards the end of the shift, he is assigned to a ward with a number people with no obvious signs of injury or disease. He goes to greet the first patient. ""Hello, sir, how are you today? Is there anything I can do for you?"" The patient replies, ""Aboon them a' ye tak your place, Painch, tripe, or thairm; Weel are ye wordy o' a grace as lang's my arm."" The nurse is confused but smiles, checks the man's bedpans and greets the next patient. ""Hello …

A woman gets a nasty cut... ... it's very deep and there's blood everywhere so she calls the emergency services. ""Hello I've cut myself can i please speak to a doctor?"" ""Hi I'm a doctor, may I ask what your name is?"" ""Maggie Smith"" ""And when where you born?"" Asked the doctor. ""17th of April 1985"" Maggie said. ""Where are you bleeding from?"" Said the doctor. ""I'm from bleeding Glasgow.""