A British soldier meets an Australian soldier on a warzone **British soldier**: Did you come here to die? **Australian soldier**: Nah mate, I came here yesterday!

Why did Simba's dad die in a stampede? Because he didn't Moofassa enough! Edit: general consensus was to add "enough"

In the future, wars are fought on a budget The world economy ensures there are no weapons at all. A man signs up for his country’s army. He gets to training camp. The sergeant hands him a piece of wood shaped like a rifle, with a rubber bayonet on the end. ‘Right, men! This is the new war tactics. You point your rifle at the enemy and say ‘bangety bang’! You poke your bayonet at the enemy and say ‘stabbity stab’! The soldiers look at each other and shrug - wtf? Days later the men are sent…

Two old jews are talking in Odessa. -What's the news? -Have you not heard? There is a war! -who is fighting? -Russia says it is at war with NATO. -How's is it going? -70,000 Russians are dead, they have lost thousands of tanks, used up most of their missiles, and their economy is collapsing. -and NATO? -NATO hasn't shown up yet. Credit: Volodymir Zelenskyy