To all newly married guys..... If you screw up Valentine's Day, you'll be celebrating Palm Sunday for a long time.

For valentine's day, I'm taking my wife to see "50 Shades". How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.

Wife: Valentine's day is right around the corner. Me: No worries, so is Wal-Mart.

"Pick a card, any card, make sure you memorize it, now put it back with the rest": me, with my wife at the Hallmark Store on Valentine's Day