Parish priest A priest was being honoured at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. ""I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told…

A German taxi driver was on his shift... He is driving one of these Mercedes models that have the Mercedes emblem as a hood ornament. A guy waves him down, so he stops and let him enter. It was a tourist, in town on his first trip to Germany. The driver asks: ""So, how do you like our country?"" The guy answers: ""Oh, it's great. But it is so different from home in many aspects. Some things, I cannot make sense of."" The taxi driver asks: ""Really? Like what?"" The guy says: ""Well, for instance…

An elderly couple was having dinner one evening When the husband reached across the table, took his wife's hand in his and said, ""Martha, soon we will be married 50 years, and there's something I have to know. In all of these 50 years, have you ever been unfaithful to me?"" Martha replied, ""Well Henry, I have to be honest with you. Yes, I've been unfaithful to you three times during these 50 years, but always for a good reason. Henry was obviously hurt by his wife's confession, but said, ""I n…

You're a sick senior citizen and the government says there is no nursing home available for you. So what do you do? Our plan gives anyone 65 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot four Politicians. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, central heating, air conditioning and all the health care you need! Need new teeth? No problem. Need glasses? That's great. Need a new hip, knees, kidney, lungs or heart?…