In the year 2013, the Lord appeared unto Noah, who was now living in America, and said: ""Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans."" He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, ""You have 6 months to build the Ark before I bring about unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."" 6 months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard - but no Ark. "…

I called the ASPCA hotline to tell them I'd just found six Badgers in a suitcase by the side of the road "Are they moving?" asked the operator "Not sure" I replied "But that would explain the suitcase"