If I ever saw an amputee being hanged, I'd just yell out letters. - Demetri Martin

Helo, my name is Ma-ma-ma-ma-martin. ""You stutter?"" ""No, my father did and the registrar was an idiot.""

Spelling Bee It's cup final day and three boys in the class want to go home early to watch the match. The teacher decides to hold a spelling bee and allow the boys who spell their words correctly to leave school for the day to see their team. Tommy, spell dog for me please. Easy sir, D-O-G. Very good Tommy, off you go. Martin, spell cat for me please. Simple, sir. C-A-T. Very good Martin, off you go, enjoy the game. Thank you sir! Ahmed I would like you to spell racial discrimination.

An old, old joke I heard yesterday Three friends gathered round a campfire were swapping family stories. Rick said,""My granddad once pushed his truck for 3 miles searching for a gas station."" Martin chimed in at that point, ""That's nothing. My grandfather used to be very strong. He once lifted his old Ford while his friends changed two flats, as their jack was broken."" Johnny rolled his eyes at that and said, ""My grandfather once let an 18 wheeler freight-liner run over him. He would have b…