A couple are getting ready for a Halloween party. The wife walks out with only a lemon hanging over her snatch. The husband takes one look and storms off to the kitchen and return with a potato on his dong. The wife says ""what the hell"" and the husband replies ""well shit, if you're going as a sour puss then I'm going as a dictator""

Why some put angels as Christmas tree toppers. One year, Santa procrastinated too much and had an hour to go over his naughty nice list. He was in a cabin gaining some progress when he heard a knock on his door. "Santa, we need your help in the workshop!" Frustrated, Santa yelled "I'm busy right now, handle it yourselves. I can't afford to be interrupted!" And slammed the door. Not 15 minutes later another knock is heard and his agitation is climbing. He opens the door and yells "What?!" I…

A husband and wife go into a pet store... The husband tells his wife that for her birthday present, the wife can pick out any animal in the store. She takes her time looking at all the different cats, dogs, guinea pigs etc., and isn't particularly fond of any of them. She eventually sees this large frog in the far corner of the store and immediately falls in love with it and tells her husband, ""I have to have this frog."" So the husband and wife bring it up to the cashier. Before cashing them o…

A close call. A man sits down in his chair then rips a huge fart. His wife says ""one of these days you're going to shit your guts out"". It becomes a habit that every time he passes gas she says ""one day you will shit you're guts out"" One day on Thanksgiving morning she decides she's had enough. She takes all the guts from the Turkey and sneeks them under the covers while her husband sleeps,then goes back to the kitchen to wait. After an hour or so she hears her husband scream then silence. H…