An old man is in his Volvo driving home from work... ... when his wife rings him on his cellphone. "Honey", she says in a worried voice, "be careful. There was a bit on the news just now; some lunatic is driving the wrong way down the freeway". "It's worse than that!", he replies, "There are hundreds of them!"

Wife: We need to go to the store. We're out of milk. Me: We can wait a few days. Wife: We're out of beer. Me: *dives in the car*

[car dealership] WIFE: let me do the talking, ur a terrible negotiator SALESMAN: u can drive off with this car for 18k ME: we'll double that

*wakes up to wife and son screaming* me: What are you guys yelling about? them: YOU'RE DRIVING