Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*

"Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.

"Have a seat" *Turns on video of son eating pizza with a fork and knife.* "Dad I..." **Dad puts up hand* "Please don't call me that."

forgive me Father for I have sinned, this is my fourth slice of pizza