Dad to kid: "Connor, eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" "Eat your food!" Me: *turns around, eats all of kid's food*

"Always give your food a rinse before you eat it," my dad always used to say. Lovely man. Made terrible sandwiches.

forgive me Father for I have sinned, this is my fourth slice of pizza

[At dinner] Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat? Me: Probably like 90% D: So it's 10% balls? Me: *spits out food*