The FBI are doing an experiment to test the level of people's patriotism ... They get three married couples and separate them, placing the men in one room and the women in another. They ask the men if they would shoot their wives for their country and all agree they would. They hand the first guy a gun and tell him to go and shoot his wife. Guy walks in the room with his wife but he just can't do it. The FBI agent takes the gun back and tells the couple to leave. They give the second guy the gu…

FBI: If you testify you'll have to go into the Witness Protection Program ME: I'll do it FBI: Your wife and kids too ME: Oh ok never mind

*texts son "dont say me" as wife heads to his bedroom* wife to son: why did you put next years date on your science paper about time travel?

Wife: Whatya doin? Me: I fixed the toilet so I'm adding Potty Fixer to my resume W: You mean Plumber? M: DO I LOOK LIKE A HOUSE SCIENTIST?