I bought my wife a new puppy for Valentine's Day! She's such a beautiful dog! Unfortunately, I forgot my wife is allergic to dogs... so I have to find her a new home. Can anybody help me out? She's 5'5", 125lbs, and blonde. Free to good home.

To all newly married guys..... If you screw up Valentine's Day, you'll be celebrating Palm Sunday for a long time.

For valentine's day, I'm taking my wife to see "50 Shades". How long is the movie? I need to know what time to pick her up.

Wife: Valentine's day is right around the corner. Me: No worries, so is Wal-Mart.