When I eat... Tom walked into a Bar and aggressively shouted his order to the bar man, ""Please give me half chicken tandoori and then give everyone half a kilo steak and mutton, bcoz when I eat, I want everyone to eat!"" Bar man processed his request and gave him his meal and everyone else their meals. When they finished enjoying their meal he shouted for another order, ""Give me a bottle of Champagne and give everybody else a bottle of Johnny Walker Black, bcoz when I drink, I want everybody t…

MONDAY: It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls. TUESDAY: Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper. WEDNESDAY: A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice …

So, Bob shot a duck and it fell into Tom's property... ...Bob quickly hopped over the fence and went into Tom's backyard to get his meal, but Tom walks outside and finds Bob trespassing. "Hey, Bob! That duck is in MY property, and it is MINE." "No way, Tom! I shot this duck fair and square. I shot it, so I eat it!" "How about this," said Tom. "We both kick each other in the balls, back and forth, back and forth, and the first person to fall on the floor, loses, and has to give up…

True Story Yesterday would have been my stepfather Tom's 75th birthday. To commemorate the occasion, I give you this story. Back in 2006, I was prepping to relocate from Nebraska back to Southern California, and this meant lots of phone calls between me and my mother. One Friday evening, I called her up, and I could hear some background noise. I asked where she was... Mom: Oh, Tom and I are at El Pollo Loco. We're getting some fish tacos for dinner. (It was Lent - Ed.) Me: Y'know, I've alway…