Two guys meet at a bar. "My wife ran off with my best friend Peter..." "Oh no, when did this happen?" "Yesterday." "And since when is Peter your best friend?" "Yesterday!"

Three couples on vacation die together in an accident They ascend to heaven and fly up to the Pearly Gates where St. Peter is waiting for them. The first couple floats up to St. Pete and the husband asks, “St. Peter, do we get into heaven?” St. Peter responds, “Unfortunately, sir, you spent your entire life in the pursuit of money, so much so, that you married a woman named Penny, so no, it’s the other place for you.” They sadly fall away as the second couple floats over and the husband ask, “…

Peter loves to drink at the local bar but his wife disapproves of this.

Mick's wife was furiously humping away with her husband's best mate, Peter, when suddenly the phone rang. She hopped out of bed and returned to the sweaty sheet after a brief conversation. "Who was it?" the back stabbing buddy asked. "Oh, that was Mick," she replied calmly. "Oh crap, I'd better be going then!" he said. "Did Mick say where he was?" "Relax -- he's down at the pub playing a few games of pool with you."